Revision has begun!!!

Okay, so I lasted 11 days before I started to revise. I blame the NaNoWriMo website; they had a post on there which a longtime NaNo alumni says that she gives it a week before she starts revising. I gave it 11 days, and I started in today (actually late last night/early this morning before I went to bed). What I’ve done so far is to skim through it and write down a chapter by chapter synopsis. I’m doing this so I can make sure the plot is solid. I finished with that about 20 minutes ago. I’m going to compile it into one document and see if I need to mess with the plot. I came across a few plot holes while I was typing up the synopsis: nothing too glaring, but there are a few. Once I do that, I will see if I need to add any chapters. I also need to pick a few names for things (while I was writing NaNo, I would put placeholders in the text, such as “Aaaa” and so on, keeping a separate file keeping track of what those names need to be. I can put all those in before I do the line by line editing. Also, I think I want to briefly sketch out the rest of the story (I envision this to be either book 1 in a series or the first part of a book, depending on how long it is once I revise/rewrite it) so that I can see if the revised plot jives with it. Once I make any adjustments there, I'm either going to a)start rewriting/revising based off of that document or b)type up an outline of the revised plot document before I start my rewrite. Once I finish the second draft, I am going to start letting people read it.
I'm also trying to form a writer’s group. I belong to one already, but I am going to form a more focused group that that. Most established authors I’ve talked to or read about talk about the importance of a writer’s group. It will be small and focused, giving me a group to get some serious feedback on it. Let's face it, it’s A LOT to ask of someone to read a novel you wrote and comment on it. I will also get the chance to do the same for the others there.
That's all for now. It's Nikki’s birthday today, so I’ll be taking her out this evening. I have a big job interview this afternoon, so keep your fingers crossed! I'm pretty sure that unless the interviewer is a drunken or depressed robot with no understanding at all of human interactions that I’ll walk out of there with a job (or at least that’s the attitude I'm going to walk in there with). Should be pretty decent. I would love to be able, as part of my birthday present to her, to tell Nikki I just got a job! Not working sucks donkey balls.

7,705 Words down, only 42,295 to go!!!

So here's an excerpt from my book. It's still in rough draft form, so be gentle.

He heard the cry of an eagle, far off in the distance. All thoughts of turning back, of hesitation had to be squashed. He had a role to fulfill; a purpose, and that was what he would do. There was no backing off now, no other road to take, and now there was no time left.
He sat down, crossing his legs and began to prepare himself. He quieted all sensation, all thought, all outside influence. It was just him and his body. He reached right down inside his soul and began to pull. The pain that began slowly, yet grew to fill every part of his body with a liquid fire did not even faze him. Anyone observing him would have simply thought him meditating, or perhaps asleep. He was anything but. Though his eyes were closed, his awareness of himself and of the world around him became near to omnipotent. After what would have seemed to him like a long time (if his mind had been aware of it), he rose, black cloak blowing in the early morning breeze, the rest of his pitch black garb tight as skin. He was of a different mindset entirely now. There was only one thing to do now, only one thing that mattered, only one thing that existed.
Take the child. Kill the rest.
He started down the slope toward the town, unhurriedly.

Hope you enjoyed it! More to follow! Ciao for now!!!

It Begins!!!

Yayyyyy!!! NaNoWriMo is here! Finally, I get to work on this book. I’ve been planning for awhile, now I get to actually write it. I’m pretty stoked about the whole thing if you can’t tell! A little over 3 hours into it, and I’ve already accomplished a lot!

I courageously (or stupidly, depending on how you look at it) took a dare on the NaNo forums to write 5000 words my first day. This makes a lot of sense for me. I have several things going on this year I did NOT have going on last year.

1) Money. I’m unemployed currently, as I was last year. That part is no different. What is different is that I had a steady Unemployment check coming in every week. This year I do not. My ex-employer lied to the employment commission and told them that I quit, so I haven't received any money yet. I have a hearing on thursday, so hopefully that will all work itself out by then. Until then, I have to scramble for money each and every week to get bills paid.

2) Towers of Midnight (Wheel of Time book 13) comes out November 2nd. Book 12 came out last year on October 27th, and I didn’t even start NaNo until the 4th or 5th of November. I read the book in like 18 hours or something. I will need a large block of time to read the book.

3)Book Signing. I did go to this last year for The Gathering Storm, but I wasn’t there in any official capacity. This year, I am one of the Tower Guard (free assistant to the author), so I’ll have to be there longer with less freedom while I'm there. The chance to get some one on one time with Brandon Sanderson and Harriet Rigney is too good to pass up. Sanderson is my favorite living author, and I can't WAIT to pick his brain.

4)Thanksgiving. Last year, I stayed in town for Thanksgiving. This year, I'm travelling with both of my kids and my pregnant girlfriend to see my parents. I will probably be there for several days. I will still have time to write, just not so sure about privacy, as they have a pretty small house.

5)Pregnant Girlfriend. She’s only 8 weeks along at this point, but you never can tell how women will act. I cannot and will not ignore her to write. There are simply times when I will have to not write because she needs/wants me, and I’m happy to do that!


I'm also trying to get my World of Warcraft character (a Blood Elf Warlock on the Fenris Server, currently level 60 for those who are interested) to level 80 before the expansion pack comes out on December 7th. I’m not putting that in the list because honestly, it's not as important to me as getting this novel done. I have already warned my Guildmates that I may not be around much over the next month, but I’ll do what I can.

I’m looking at all these things as challenges rather than as obstacles. Perhaps it will motivate me even more than I was last year to finish. That being said, any time I can catch up and write ahead of my word count goal, I’m going to take the opportunity. Writing 5000 words today will put me fully 2 days ahead of schedule. If I can do that every once in awhile, that will really help.

Well, I'm off to bed now. My plan is to get a few hours of shuteye, get up and take care of some financial/real world stuff I need to, put in a few job applications, and go find a coffee shop somewhere to write. I don’t have any particular time I need to get up, but I don’t want to sleep the whole day away. As of this writing, I have 2.637 words so far, so I only need to write 2, 363 words before midnight tomorrow in order to make the 5000. Wish me luck!!!

Plot Panic

3 days to go until NaNoWriMo! Still don't have a job, and my unemployment benefits are being held back because my last employer lied to the employment commission and told them that I quit (which I most certainly did not). My car got repossessed and I've been sick. That being said, I'm still excited about NaNo!

I'm taking the approach that I want to have a more detailed outline this year. I made a post asking for help with a block I got to, and I got some great feedback. Here's the post I made...

Plowing right along, plotting and outlining furiously before NaNo begins. This will be my 2nd year. Last year I had ideas for scenes I put on notecards and arranged them the way I wanted and wrote from that. Wasn't too terribly happy with it. Have written a few things since then in a "seat of your pants" style, but that didn't seem to suit me. This year for NaNo, I'm trying to have a complete plot outline before the 1st so I can write from that. One small problem; my plot is stalled.

Long story short, the book is Epic Fantasy w/a rough edge. The MC is a female who is going after an assassin that's part of a larger organization of assassins. She worked at a home for unwanted children in a largish village/town, an assassin came in, killed all the kids but one and kidnapped him. Noone would help her, so she took off on her own to find these guys. She came to a village, booked passage downriver to the nearest major city while picking up a teenage boy tagalong. They get to the city and get a room at an inn. He wants to help, she says no. He leaves, intending to try and pick up info anyway. She goes to the library, and when she comes back, there's an assassin in her room that attempts to talk her out of pursuing them (sort of a "it's too big of a picture for you to understand" kind of thing). She summons a trickster spirit (it's the 2nd time she's summoned him; she was warned to only do it once) to get more power. That's where I'm stalled. I have a rough idea for an ending, but I seem to be stopped right there.

Any suggestions? Ideas? Ideas or suggestions on how to come up wih my own ideas? Any help is appreciated.

I got back some very helpful suggestions. Here's what I've been working on this morning (I would have done more, but I was hampered by an hour long search for my wallet).

First, why did the assassin try to talk her out of pursuing them? Why not just kill her? There must be a reason behind that.
I’m not sure that does make sense. Possibly he can be someone sent by Ravyn to try and mollify his grief. And perhaps it wasn't an assassin. Perhaps it was a member of the opposing faction, or one of the good guys trying to help her.
Second, why was she warned to only summon the trickster once? What are the consequences of summoning it more than once? Because it becomes addictive. The more I think about this, the more I like the idea of Mahrna hanging herself after Naoren leaves.

- Why does this assassin simply talk to her instead of killing her? Is he potentially a more moral assassin than the one who killed all the children? Might she be able to get more information out of him or persuade him to see things from her point of view and maybe even enlist his help? What kind of people does this group of assassins kill? Good people? Bad people? Whoever their boss tells them too? the more I think about why the assassin would just talk to her, the more it doesn't make sense. Being a large organization, they're not going to really give a shit. They wouldn’t talk to her. They would just kill her, and she wouldn’t see it coming. As far as what they kill, who they are? They are a far-reaching organization, sort of like the “illuminati”
- Why did the assassin go for that one kid in the first place? Does the kid have some sort of abilities or special parents or something? What are the goals of the assassins or the people paying them? Noone is playing them, they are a branch of an illuminati-like organization. The kid is important to their goals, he may have some powers or something to do in the future, maybe a “golden child” type thing.
- The trickster spirit- what will the repercussions of her ignoring the warning be? How will she get out of whatever the consequences are? Jack gets his claws into naoren.
- When will the teenage boy show up again? Can he help her get out of whatever crap she brings down upon herself by summoning the trickster? Will she then accept him as a companion? He is the “golden child” of the opposition, or maybe a counter to the trickster
-What other characters might she meet that will help or hinder her on the journey? Who can she go to for information about who the assassin is, what he wants with the child, how he can be stopped etc? What does she expect to do when she finally meets him? Does she have any sort of training/power/skill that will help her face him or will it be more about having a ballsy personality and extreme will to succeed? She’s going to meet someone in the library that will help her in more ways than one. She doesn’t quite know what she’ll do when she meets him (and I need to illustrate this in the book). she has no training, it's gonna be a ballsy personality bolstered by insanity and power that she has no idea what to do with.

So that's where I'm at now. The nice thing about coming into outling from a sort-of "seat of your pants" discovery writer perspective is that I dont' feel like I have to adhere to the outline religiously. It's fluid and adjustable. And with the software I'm using (liquid story binder, well worth the $45.95 pricetag), it's very easy to do all that and have it in one place.

I'm fucking ITCHING LIKE FUCK to start writing. You can bet that unless my pregnant girlfriend needs something, when the clock strikes midnight and the month turns to November, I'm going to be typing away!!!

Hello Again!!!

Hey all. Sorry it’s such a long time since I made a post (yeah, like there are 2,354,453 people who are like “Goddammit, when’s he gonna post again). A lot has been going on in my life, and I lost my way for a bit as a writer. Feel like I’m back on track now, so it’s all good.

Last year I did NaNoWrimo completely differently from the way I’m doing it this year. Last year, I didn’t decide to do NaNoWrimo ‘till November 5th. I had a draft of part of my book already written (probably 5500 words or so, I forget exactly how much), so I started with that and rewrote it completely, changing a lot of it. Once I had gone through that, I was pretty much flying by the seat of my pants. There’s not plotting, note taking, or anything else during NaNo; there just isn't time. I had a beginning, the start of a middle (though that wasn’t very good, most of it), and I knew what I wanted the ending to be. I had a list of scenes on index cards that I rearranged until it looked good to me (I did this on Nov. 5th), but the plot quickly drew away from that. Part of that was that I had never tried to write anything longer than an 11 page paper for a class (in high school) or a short story (in college), and that I really had no clue about the writing process. Not that I'm an expert now, but I have learned a few things.

After NaNo was over, I left the story completely alone for 6 or 7 weeks. When I started trying to edit it, I was hit with a terrible case of Writer’s Block. There was also this weird self-loathing that would come up when I tried to work on it, so I stopped. I played around with a short story that I had written back in high school. That actually went fairly well, though I stopped working on that after 2 or 3 revisions. It still needs a little more, but it’s a lot bette than it was. But every time I went back to my NaNo book (the title of which is “The Rope of Death”. Those of you who partied with me in 1995 may remember that), I hit a brick fucking wall. I got a job in March so I had much less time to write. I soon stopped trying to do much but piddle with it every once in awhile and got more heavily into video games than I intended to. I began to despair that I would every amount to anything as a writer, or as a person for that matter. I took a vacation with my girlfriend in June to the Mountain Lake Hotel in Pembroke, VA (the place where Dirty Dancing was filmed), and started writing a lot there. Though I wasn't writing anything for The Rope of Death, I was writing. About a month and a half or two months ago, I picked it back up.

My favorite living author, Brandon Sanderson, came out with The Way of Kings, and I picked up The Rope of Death again. I was less discouraged now. I had some new ideas, and I was pretty excited about them. I went to a book signing with Brandon Sanderson and got some suggestions on how to come up with a new beginning if I was stuck, but my girlfriend gave me the idea that I eventually used. Now that it’s almost time for NaNo to start, I’ve put The Rope of Death away. Probably I will pick it up again in December, after NaNo is over. I will probably be working on that book for years before it’s ready to be published in any way, shape, or form. I’m at peace with that.

I also started to get really excited about NaNoWrimo this year. I had been piddling around with an idea for an epic fantasy for awhile, so I decided to go with that. I brainstormed and freewrote and came up with a barebones plot idea and some characters. I updated my copy of Liquid Story Binder and started using it. I now have some of the major characters and a detailed outline that stops part of the way into Act II (using the 3 act concept to write it). I’m a bit bogged down in act II, so we’ll see what I’m able to do in the next 5 days. As I said earlie, there’s no time to do more plotting or outlining during NaNo, so whatever I get done, I will start with that. I can always fix it later!

So that’s where I’m at now with everything. It’s not a bad place to be. I’m looking at NaNoWrimo completely differently this year. I do NOT expect to have a finished manuscript that will be ready for publication with a few minor tweaks here and there. What I hope to have is a finished first draft of a Novel that will provide a good starting point to be rewritten later. My expectations are pretty low this year. If I can complete it and have a decent story (even if the execution is kinda shitty) when I'm done, I will feel like I did well. I’m going to try and update regularly during NaNo, but we’ll see how that goes. Thanks for reading this. When I get some finances straight, I plan to get a website of my own to put all my writing stuff on. I hope all of you will go there. Ciao for now!!

My writer's block is starting to break!!!

It's funny and ironic, but it seems as if the Writer's block is starting to break because I'm writing about how bad it is! I haven't done much more of substance yet, but I've been writing a lot over the last few days. I probably wrote close to 1000 words yesterday. The hard part about it seems to be finding a new routine.

See, if I have a routine I can stick with, then it's not a problem to write. Again, sometimes I may just write 1000 words about how I don't feel like fucking writing, but I'll write. I'm doing some of that now, but what I've started to do more of is to write about my book; what's good, what's bad, what needs to be changed, and how I proceed from here. The really difficult part about it now is that I do not have a schedule yet. Since I have to have a real job now, my time is limited, and that sucks major donkey ass. Fuck fuck fuckity fuck!!

That's all for now. Gotta get ready for work. Batteries, anyone?

excerpt from Chapter 1

Okay, this goes without saying, but all material here is mine. If you use or reproduce it without my permission, I will seek you out and force you to watch videos of George W. Bush giving his father a filthy sanchez.

Now that we've covered that, the below is an excerpt from chapter 1. My protagonist, Marcus Bent is sending an email to his friend. This is partial text from his email.

God, maybe I really am going crazy. I was fascinated, but I was also confused as hell and worried. I liked going to this other place, even though it was probably just a hallucination brought on by lack of sleep, but I could really see myself getting lost in there. Would that be so bad, to stay there, leaving this world behind?
I know, I know. I can’t let myself get lost in…well in whatever that was because I know it’s not real. There was a corner of mine screaming at me, reminding me that if I let myself go, I would lose all chance I ever had at regaining my tenuous grip on reality. Pretty screwy, I know. What do you want, I hadn’t slept in forever.
When nothing happened for a few minutes, I decided to try for the house again. I got up cautiously and walked quickly toward the door. When I reached it, I looked around momentarily. Don’t know what I was looking for, maybe I was just scared I wouldn’t make it. I wanted to be prepared, which was stupid. It’s not like I knew what the hell I was doing. My body tensed. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
I made it! Like lightning, I about jumped in the door and closed it, locking and latching it. I waited for a moment to make sure I was still there. Goddamn, but I needed some sleep. I grabbed a beer from the fridge and crept lightly but quickly toward the bathroom.
Couldn’t find the percocet, but she did have a few ambient left. I quickly took two and washed them down. Relieved, I walked into my bedroom. I didn’t even bother to pull my clothes off before I plopped down. Alyssa would make fun of me for that, but I did need to get some sleep.

MY ANGRY LESBIAN BREASTS!! AUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!!!

What?

Blink.

Stuck and unstuck!!!

This week has been tough for me. A relationship that I’d been in for over 3 years ended Monday; a relationship I’d really hoped would turn into marriage. This came in the middle of a big ol’ hunk of bad writer’s block. Actually, the end of the relationship spurred some pretty good writing, the only problem being that I don’t feel like writing. That’s partially the reason I’m writing this journal entry right now. I really don’t feel like writing. But I know I need to, and I need to write at least 500 words a day, even when I don’t feel like it. Is it cheating to use this journal as my 500 words for the day? Maybe. Ask me if I give a shit (I don’t). I figure as long as I’m writing, it’s a good thing. Actually today it just didn’t pan out for me to have the time to write. I know that’s no excuse: I need to write anyway, but that’s just how it worked out.

The story is going well. Besides taking too long of a break, my writer’s block was about a lot of self-loathing and self-sabotage. My thought process went like this: much of my first draft feels like my autistic son Blade wrote it. It’s a great story, but the execution sucks. The conclusion I came to is this: I look at this first draft (mostly) as an “extended outline”. I just want to get the story down and I’ll worry about all that other shit later. That’s easier said than done. Some of it’s pretty bad. But some of it is fucking great, and I think the story is awesome. I would want to read this story. There have been some unexpected turns in the story already. My first rewrite is going to be an extensive one. I refuse to edit the first draft AT ALL until it’s finished. Then, I’m gonna leave it alone for a few weeks, then pick it back up and edit the first draft.

My two biggest challenges (story-wise) are coming up soon. How do I introduce the Aiden character in my novel, and how do I fill around 50 to 70k words in the middle. I know what I want to have happen (sort of) and I know how I want the book to end, I just don’t know how to get there yet. I’ve got some ideas I should jot down, and then maybe plot things out roughly. I don’t want to get too terribly stringent with that, but it might help to get it down on paper.

Well, that’s it for now. I’m going to do at least 1000 words tomorrow. I’d do it tonight, but I’m wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too tired to do that shit tonight. I’ll do it tomorrow right when I get up (if I get up early enough, before I get the boys up). That’s when I seem to do my best writing, anyway. I may split it up, but I’m going to do 1000 words at least. Exit, stage left!!!

Peace,
Bill

I still don't know what I'm doing

I have actually done a lot lately. "The Rope of Death" (the title for the Novel I'm working on) is coming along nicely, I have 6,525 words of the first draft written. I'm still a little iffy on it, but it is coming along. I hear tell it will be fine, but my internal editor (whom I'll affectionately call fucknut) is constantly sitting on my shoulder, screaming "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? JUST GET A DAMN JOB! YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT AS A WRITER! IT'S TOO HARD! YOU'RE NOT ANY GOOD AT IT! JUST GIVE IT UP". To be honest, it's really hard not to listen to that guy sometimes.
Part of the problem is that I'm not really that good yet. I think I have the ability to be good, and some of the stuff I've written really is good. What I read and hear is that you can catch all that stuff and handle it when you do the 2nd draft, and I'm banking on that. I just need to get the damn story written. I feel now like I've wanted to do this my whole life. I do wish I had started earlier, but fuck it! As Cheech Marin said in "Rude Awakening", "Be Here Now!!" So that's what I'm doing.
One thing I am gonna do. I may take my daily word count down (though I've been doing well over a thousand the last few days. I did over 2000 on Sunday and I did about 1600 today), it struck me that it's been a long time since I've read a lot of horror, and I need to do that. I'm currently reading the new Dan Brown novel The Lost Symbol, and I was trying to read through the Wheel of Time before the 12th book comes out next month (that's a whole different blog post, more on that another time). I just bought this neat little story by Stephen King called UR, and I bought a copy of The Stand (both for my Kindle), and I figured I would read those to do some research into Horror. I don't expect it to slow down my writing much. I'm spending around an hour to two hours per day writing now, and I want to increase that a bit. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I'm doing it!!!

Stuck!!!!

I’m stuck.

Perhaps it’s because there are so many things floating around in my head right now, perhaps once again I’m doubting my abilities as a writer (I know I am), perhaps everything I’ve written up to this point sucks the big one. I don’t know. I’m both inspired and uninspired at the same time. I have to write. I have to. That’s part of the deal. When I have nothing to write, I journal. Have to write. In a nutshell, here’s what’s going on with my story.

I’ve plotted, outlined, and written several drafts of a prologue (which I’m mostly happy with in a general way) and part of a first chapter. I know what I want to happen, and maybe that’s the problem. I’m reading On Writing by Stephen King, and he’s definitely not a “plotter”. This is directly in contrast with Write Great Fiction, Plot and Structure by James Scott Bell. Which one of them is right? Both, I think. King said something in his book that’s making me think, and an email correspondence I had with Mr. Bell is giving me the idea that what I need to do is both. Bell gave me the ability to start going, but it’s stalled. I know I’m creative. I know I can do this. I like the story I’ve come up with. The problem is that I’m writing the story and it’s starting to feel forced. The idea behind the story is kick ass, but the writing feels (and probably reads) like it’s forced. That’s no good. I think that’s probably why some of it’s kinda lame so far. What to do about it is the big question right now.

Do I scrap everything I’ve got and start over? Do I continue from where I am without plotting? Do I just scrap the first chapter? Do I work on something else? I don’t really want to stop working on The Rope of Death (the tentative title I’ve come up with for this project) because I feel like I’ll never pick it back up if I do. I’ve felt the whole 2 months I’ve been writing so far that all I need to do is to get this first novel written and then it will come easier to me. Not easily done, let me tell you! The idea of scrapping what I’ve got (including the prologue) and starting over is beginning to look more attractive by the second. I think I can start with the opening scene (may or may not call it a prologue: my sister feels like it’s part of the story rather than a prologue) and see where it goes. I think that’s what I’m gonna do. I don’t really think that’s so much editing as it is trying to make this go in a new direction. It’s an attempt to make it not feel so goddamn forced. I really want this to be good, to work. I’ve always been the kind of dude who can come up with some crazy shit in the moment, which is probably why this structure things feels so forced.

Maybe the real problem is that I’m trying to much to use someone else’s method to do this stuff. I’m not James Scott Bell or Stephen King. I’m Bill, and I need to be Bill to do this. I don’t’ know why I’m feeling so blocked about it right now. I think that’s partially me being completely off meds for the first time in years and my internal saboteur trying to fuck me up. I will try this the next few days. 1000 words a day is going to be difficult, but I’ve got to be willing to do shit like that if I actually want to become a writer, especially because I’m not one yet. I mean, I am, but I’m not.

Bursting through a different kind of block

I don't have writer's block, exactly, but I'm finding myself doing much more planning that actually writing lately. I know I have this 500 word a day quota, but maybe I should have minimum 1000 words, minimum 500 of it is actually writing story. I suppose it wouldn't be bad if I wrote part of another story if nothing comes to the front with this one. It would be better than nothing, and it would force me to start actually writing more, not just writing, but writing writing if that makes any sense. I've felt for awhile that there's a really great story here, waiting underneath. The problem is that I don't even always know that it's there. Perhaps I've become too bogged down with planning and procedure to know that it's there.

For some unknown reason, I have a very strong urge to go watch "Good Will Hunting" right fucking now. I think I will.

Ciao!!!

A good writing day

Wrote a little over 1100 words this evening. Unlike sometimes that I have written, it actually seemed somewhat productive today. I redid the very basic, simple plot outline that encompasses what I'm currently writing and did a bunch of freewriting, attempting to come up with what author James Scott Bell calls a "back cover copy". Maybe those of you who are more experiened or savvy in the field of writing are more familiar with that term, but I have never really heard it before tonight.

Let's be honest. I really have no fucking idea what I'm doing. But I'm doing it. I'm going to take another suggestion and up my minimum word count per day to 1000. I'm also going to take another suggestion and try to write first thing in the morning. We'll see what comes out of it. ta ta!!!

Low down clown

I haven’t really written that much today. I think I came up with some good ideas today, but I really just wanna do other shit. Is that so bad? Am I being lazy? Part of me says no and part of me says yes. I think it’s a good thing that I’m working on this story specifically every day, but I need to do more if I ever want to get this done. Let’s be honest: part of why I really want/need to write this first book is because I’m hoping this writing thing will be easier once I get the first one out of the way. I dunno: it’s coming awful slow. I think my ideas are better now, but I’m still hitting that wall where I think I suck most of the time. That’s a metaphor for my life lately. I just have no fucking energy for anything. Fuck those antibiotics my doc gave me. I can use those in the future.

I really should get to bed soon, but I don’t wanna. I’m tired enough to go to sleep, I just would rather read and/or play video games right now. To tell you the truth, I’m awful “ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” at this point. Fuck it, I’m gonna go read. Egwene just got to Tear.

Idea Draught!!!

I'm currently hit with an idea draught. Perhaps I just haven't been paying attention enough lately to what I'm doing. That's possible. I have the "my writing is lame" feeling creeping up on me again. Went to the hospital yesterday, so I didn't feel like writing a whole lot last night. My idea was to get up today and write a bunch. Now, I just don't feel like it. I guess that you need to be intentional and purposeful about it. I just wish I knew how to summon forth the goddess of ideas. I don't even feel like writing in this blog any more right now, so I won't.

Feeling Better about this day to day

I am feeling better about this whole writing thing day to day. Is persistence and a sick mind all it really takes? That's kinda what it seems like. I know this will sound cheesy to say, but I almost feel like this writing thing is what I was supposed to do all along. Not that I wasn't supposed to do all that other shit, but this is what I'm really supposed to do.

I would be amiss if I didn't give a little shout out and R.I.P. to John Hughes. At the time they were coming out, noone else really captured what it felt like to be a teenager in the '80s. I can't speak for anyone else, but it kinda sucked. Most of the music coming out was fucking atrocious, the world around us seemed like it was going downhill and we had nothing to look forward to. But John Hughes movies had a way of making us forget how much everything sucked for awhile. When watching them, we were able to just have a good time.

Don't feel like it tonight. Not at all

I don't feel like writing tonight. I have to, of course, but I DON'T WANNA!!!! Actually, I guess I am risking not writing tonight. I'm going to spend an evening w/the g-friend, and don't know when/if I'm coming back. As I suffer from massive fucking insomnia and she doesn't, I imagine I'll be back around 3am or so. If I am, I'll write then. If not, I figure since I wrote almost 3000 words yesterday, it won't hurt me to take a day to chill. Most likely though, I'll be chompin' at the bit to write when I get back (if I do). I dunno.

Peace.

Holy Wordsmith, Batman!!!

Yes, my second post today. No sooner had I finished posting this blog address on twitter and facebook than an idea came to be of a different way to write my prologue. It's actually not painful to read. The 1,777 words took me 2 hours to write. I have not edited it yet except to spellcheck. I like it. It's not perfect, of course, but much closer to what I'm looking for. Thank God for Insomnia! In any case, just thought I'd post that before I get the probably 2 hours of sleep I'm going to get tonight (if I'm lucky). Sweet dreams, everyone!!!

Welcome to my lame-ass blog

So I've been trying to write a novel.

I've had these ideas in my head for a long-ass time. Only recently have I really put forth any kind of concerted, persistent effort to actually do this.

A bit of background. I'm 38 years old. I'm a single Dad of 2 small boys, 8 and 5 (the 8 year old is slightly autistic we think). I'm a recovered alcoholic (yes, I said recovered. If you have a problem with that, go talk to your sponsor). I'm about 85 pounds overweight. I always have money problems. To make that even worse, I lost my job about a month and a half ago. While I was sitting around thinking about what the fuck to do about this, I thought about beginning to write. I mean, I have some really sick ideas (and I do mean sick in the most positive sense of the word), and I figured "Hey, if it worked for J.K. Rowling, why wouldn't it work for me.

Then I began to write.

I wrote a lot about plot, characters, beginnings, endings, I did a lot of brainstorming and journaling. I even got a book or two on how to write a novel. I thought, "I can do this". Then I started to actually write the book.

It makes me fucking sick to read it.

Maybe I'm being too self-deprecating here. I still believe my ideas kick ass. They really do.

I know I’m looking at it as a rough sort of outline, but it’s fucking painful to read. I’m…fucking flabbergasted. I know that I can do this, that I can learn to do this well and that I’ll get better, but goddamn. I’m panicking is what I’m doing. I’ve got to stop that. I’ve already ordered all the books on reading I need to get right now. I need to relax and work with what I’ve got. I think one thing I’m doing is self-editing too much. I know that’s bad, but I’m doing the best I can, or am I? Well, yes and no. I know that I can do better, but I think it’s taking me fucking up the way I am to be able to get better. At least I’m not some fucking moron who thinks that he’s already the shit and has no idea that he sucks. I figured I would start a blog to keep track of my rambling journaling. Right now, it's in several different files in different folders on my laptop hard drive. I figured this woudl be a good way to keep track of it in one place.


Who knows, maybe someone might find this interesting. I know that I'd be interested in hearing from people that do, or people that have had similar experiences. Maybe it will also help me not give up, 'cause that ain't always easy!!!

'Till next time!!!