Stuck and unstuck!!!

This week has been tough for me. A relationship that I’d been in for over 3 years ended Monday; a relationship I’d really hoped would turn into marriage. This came in the middle of a big ol’ hunk of bad writer’s block. Actually, the end of the relationship spurred some pretty good writing, the only problem being that I don’t feel like writing. That’s partially the reason I’m writing this journal entry right now. I really don’t feel like writing. But I know I need to, and I need to write at least 500 words a day, even when I don’t feel like it. Is it cheating to use this journal as my 500 words for the day? Maybe. Ask me if I give a shit (I don’t). I figure as long as I’m writing, it’s a good thing. Actually today it just didn’t pan out for me to have the time to write. I know that’s no excuse: I need to write anyway, but that’s just how it worked out.

The story is going well. Besides taking too long of a break, my writer’s block was about a lot of self-loathing and self-sabotage. My thought process went like this: much of my first draft feels like my autistic son Blade wrote it. It’s a great story, but the execution sucks. The conclusion I came to is this: I look at this first draft (mostly) as an “extended outline”. I just want to get the story down and I’ll worry about all that other shit later. That’s easier said than done. Some of it’s pretty bad. But some of it is fucking great, and I think the story is awesome. I would want to read this story. There have been some unexpected turns in the story already. My first rewrite is going to be an extensive one. I refuse to edit the first draft AT ALL until it’s finished. Then, I’m gonna leave it alone for a few weeks, then pick it back up and edit the first draft.

My two biggest challenges (story-wise) are coming up soon. How do I introduce the Aiden character in my novel, and how do I fill around 50 to 70k words in the middle. I know what I want to have happen (sort of) and I know how I want the book to end, I just don’t know how to get there yet. I’ve got some ideas I should jot down, and then maybe plot things out roughly. I don’t want to get too terribly stringent with that, but it might help to get it down on paper.

Well, that’s it for now. I’m going to do at least 1000 words tomorrow. I’d do it tonight, but I’m wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too tired to do that shit tonight. I’ll do it tomorrow right when I get up (if I get up early enough, before I get the boys up). That’s when I seem to do my best writing, anyway. I may split it up, but I’m going to do 1000 words at least. Exit, stage left!!!

Peace,
Bill