Bursting through a different kind of block

I don't have writer's block, exactly, but I'm finding myself doing much more planning that actually writing lately. I know I have this 500 word a day quota, but maybe I should have minimum 1000 words, minimum 500 of it is actually writing story. I suppose it wouldn't be bad if I wrote part of another story if nothing comes to the front with this one. It would be better than nothing, and it would force me to start actually writing more, not just writing, but writing writing if that makes any sense. I've felt for awhile that there's a really great story here, waiting underneath. The problem is that I don't even always know that it's there. Perhaps I've become too bogged down with planning and procedure to know that it's there.

For some unknown reason, I have a very strong urge to go watch "Good Will Hunting" right fucking now. I think I will.

Ciao!!!

A good writing day

Wrote a little over 1100 words this evening. Unlike sometimes that I have written, it actually seemed somewhat productive today. I redid the very basic, simple plot outline that encompasses what I'm currently writing and did a bunch of freewriting, attempting to come up with what author James Scott Bell calls a "back cover copy". Maybe those of you who are more experiened or savvy in the field of writing are more familiar with that term, but I have never really heard it before tonight.

Let's be honest. I really have no fucking idea what I'm doing. But I'm doing it. I'm going to take another suggestion and up my minimum word count per day to 1000. I'm also going to take another suggestion and try to write first thing in the morning. We'll see what comes out of it. ta ta!!!

Low down clown

I haven’t really written that much today. I think I came up with some good ideas today, but I really just wanna do other shit. Is that so bad? Am I being lazy? Part of me says no and part of me says yes. I think it’s a good thing that I’m working on this story specifically every day, but I need to do more if I ever want to get this done. Let’s be honest: part of why I really want/need to write this first book is because I’m hoping this writing thing will be easier once I get the first one out of the way. I dunno: it’s coming awful slow. I think my ideas are better now, but I’m still hitting that wall where I think I suck most of the time. That’s a metaphor for my life lately. I just have no fucking energy for anything. Fuck those antibiotics my doc gave me. I can use those in the future.

I really should get to bed soon, but I don’t wanna. I’m tired enough to go to sleep, I just would rather read and/or play video games right now. To tell you the truth, I’m awful “ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” at this point. Fuck it, I’m gonna go read. Egwene just got to Tear.

Idea Draught!!!

I'm currently hit with an idea draught. Perhaps I just haven't been paying attention enough lately to what I'm doing. That's possible. I have the "my writing is lame" feeling creeping up on me again. Went to the hospital yesterday, so I didn't feel like writing a whole lot last night. My idea was to get up today and write a bunch. Now, I just don't feel like it. I guess that you need to be intentional and purposeful about it. I just wish I knew how to summon forth the goddess of ideas. I don't even feel like writing in this blog any more right now, so I won't.

Feeling Better about this day to day

I am feeling better about this whole writing thing day to day. Is persistence and a sick mind all it really takes? That's kinda what it seems like. I know this will sound cheesy to say, but I almost feel like this writing thing is what I was supposed to do all along. Not that I wasn't supposed to do all that other shit, but this is what I'm really supposed to do.

I would be amiss if I didn't give a little shout out and R.I.P. to John Hughes. At the time they were coming out, noone else really captured what it felt like to be a teenager in the '80s. I can't speak for anyone else, but it kinda sucked. Most of the music coming out was fucking atrocious, the world around us seemed like it was going downhill and we had nothing to look forward to. But John Hughes movies had a way of making us forget how much everything sucked for awhile. When watching them, we were able to just have a good time.

Don't feel like it tonight. Not at all

I don't feel like writing tonight. I have to, of course, but I DON'T WANNA!!!! Actually, I guess I am risking not writing tonight. I'm going to spend an evening w/the g-friend, and don't know when/if I'm coming back. As I suffer from massive fucking insomnia and she doesn't, I imagine I'll be back around 3am or so. If I am, I'll write then. If not, I figure since I wrote almost 3000 words yesterday, it won't hurt me to take a day to chill. Most likely though, I'll be chompin' at the bit to write when I get back (if I do). I dunno.

Peace.

Holy Wordsmith, Batman!!!

Yes, my second post today. No sooner had I finished posting this blog address on twitter and facebook than an idea came to be of a different way to write my prologue. It's actually not painful to read. The 1,777 words took me 2 hours to write. I have not edited it yet except to spellcheck. I like it. It's not perfect, of course, but much closer to what I'm looking for. Thank God for Insomnia! In any case, just thought I'd post that before I get the probably 2 hours of sleep I'm going to get tonight (if I'm lucky). Sweet dreams, everyone!!!

Welcome to my lame-ass blog

So I've been trying to write a novel.

I've had these ideas in my head for a long-ass time. Only recently have I really put forth any kind of concerted, persistent effort to actually do this.

A bit of background. I'm 38 years old. I'm a single Dad of 2 small boys, 8 and 5 (the 8 year old is slightly autistic we think). I'm a recovered alcoholic (yes, I said recovered. If you have a problem with that, go talk to your sponsor). I'm about 85 pounds overweight. I always have money problems. To make that even worse, I lost my job about a month and a half ago. While I was sitting around thinking about what the fuck to do about this, I thought about beginning to write. I mean, I have some really sick ideas (and I do mean sick in the most positive sense of the word), and I figured "Hey, if it worked for J.K. Rowling, why wouldn't it work for me.

Then I began to write.

I wrote a lot about plot, characters, beginnings, endings, I did a lot of brainstorming and journaling. I even got a book or two on how to write a novel. I thought, "I can do this". Then I started to actually write the book.

It makes me fucking sick to read it.

Maybe I'm being too self-deprecating here. I still believe my ideas kick ass. They really do.

I know I’m looking at it as a rough sort of outline, but it’s fucking painful to read. I’m…fucking flabbergasted. I know that I can do this, that I can learn to do this well and that I’ll get better, but goddamn. I’m panicking is what I’m doing. I’ve got to stop that. I’ve already ordered all the books on reading I need to get right now. I need to relax and work with what I’ve got. I think one thing I’m doing is self-editing too much. I know that’s bad, but I’m doing the best I can, or am I? Well, yes and no. I know that I can do better, but I think it’s taking me fucking up the way I am to be able to get better. At least I’m not some fucking moron who thinks that he’s already the shit and has no idea that he sucks. I figured I would start a blog to keep track of my rambling journaling. Right now, it's in several different files in different folders on my laptop hard drive. I figured this woudl be a good way to keep track of it in one place.


Who knows, maybe someone might find this interesting. I know that I'd be interested in hearing from people that do, or people that have had similar experiences. Maybe it will also help me not give up, 'cause that ain't always easy!!!

'Till next time!!!