Welcome to my lame-ass blog

So I've been trying to write a novel.

I've had these ideas in my head for a long-ass time. Only recently have I really put forth any kind of concerted, persistent effort to actually do this.

A bit of background. I'm 38 years old. I'm a single Dad of 2 small boys, 8 and 5 (the 8 year old is slightly autistic we think). I'm a recovered alcoholic (yes, I said recovered. If you have a problem with that, go talk to your sponsor). I'm about 85 pounds overweight. I always have money problems. To make that even worse, I lost my job about a month and a half ago. While I was sitting around thinking about what the fuck to do about this, I thought about beginning to write. I mean, I have some really sick ideas (and I do mean sick in the most positive sense of the word), and I figured "Hey, if it worked for J.K. Rowling, why wouldn't it work for me.

Then I began to write.

I wrote a lot about plot, characters, beginnings, endings, I did a lot of brainstorming and journaling. I even got a book or two on how to write a novel. I thought, "I can do this". Then I started to actually write the book.

It makes me fucking sick to read it.

Maybe I'm being too self-deprecating here. I still believe my ideas kick ass. They really do.

I know I’m looking at it as a rough sort of outline, but it’s fucking painful to read. I’m…fucking flabbergasted. I know that I can do this, that I can learn to do this well and that I’ll get better, but goddamn. I’m panicking is what I’m doing. I’ve got to stop that. I’ve already ordered all the books on reading I need to get right now. I need to relax and work with what I’ve got. I think one thing I’m doing is self-editing too much. I know that’s bad, but I’m doing the best I can, or am I? Well, yes and no. I know that I can do better, but I think it’s taking me fucking up the way I am to be able to get better. At least I’m not some fucking moron who thinks that he’s already the shit and has no idea that he sucks. I figured I would start a blog to keep track of my rambling journaling. Right now, it's in several different files in different folders on my laptop hard drive. I figured this woudl be a good way to keep track of it in one place.


Who knows, maybe someone might find this interesting. I know that I'd be interested in hearing from people that do, or people that have had similar experiences. Maybe it will also help me not give up, 'cause that ain't always easy!!!

'Till next time!!!